Looking forward to 2013

Oireachtas started off well, at least.  I danced on Friday morning and felt really, really good about my performance.  I handled my nerves and felt relaxed and comfortable on stage.  My timing was dead-on and I was loud, and I felt like I'd danced Jockey the best I'd ever danced it.  My teachers said it looked great.  I was eager for awards to start.

Since there were only nine dancers in my competition, they placed everyone.  "Please don't call my number," I said out loud.  I heard ninth place called, and it wasn't mine.  Then they called my number for 8th.

Standing on that big stage in front of so many people, holding that trophy, trying to smile big while I feverishly thought "what did I do wrong?  what could I have done better?  why did I practically get last?" was a real test in character.  I held off on the tears until I attempted to try on a dress in the used dress room that wouldn't even fit over my bust.  When my fiance called, I had to run to a corner and just cry it out.

I just felt so rejected from the thing that I loved.  I work so hard and come so far, and all I get is a participation trophy.  I've lost around 15 pounds and I still have a body type that's totally atypical for this sport.  It felt like I really loved Irish dance but it was saying there wasn't any place for me.  I wondered if it was time to pack it in.  Maybe I was just destined to be a ceili teacher, or maybe I should just quit outright.

But I thought about the advice contained in this video from Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone's mom.  When her daughter would come home from the gym frustrated and say she wanted to quit, her mom would tell her to wait until she was in the right frame of mind to make a decision, not when emotions were so high.  And when she wasn't upset, she realized she didn't want to quit.  Sure enough, on the car ride home I knew more than ever that I can't give this up.  I love Irish dancing too much to let one performance and one judge's opinion end it all.

So, onto the lists.

Problem spots to work on:
- Carriage issues. I need better posture and to work on my arms.
- Turnout, on left foot especially.
- Stamina to make it through steps, and then working up to two and a half / three.
- Extension and lift, straight knees.
- New, up to date material.
- Drilling the basics.  Clicks, double clicks, back clicks, new tricks, practice, practice, practice.
- Becoming a better, more aware and reliable ceili dancer.

Things to change for presentation:
- A solo dress, especially one that fits.  I've put in an email to a dressmaker and may shop around for others.  I'm convinced there's no one who's my size that's selling secondhand, so I'm just going to have to get it made.
- A long wig.  The bun wig is great but I think it suits dancers with better posture and less round faces.  I'm looking at getting something like the Fiona from Celtic Curls.
- New hardshoes--can check that off the list; Pat Fay fitted me on Saturday and I bought them a half-size smaller than I normally do.  Now to break them in, eugh.

Goals for 2013:
- Compete, with a full slate of dances.  "For sure" competitions are the February Houston feis, the March Dallas feis, the new Austin feis in June, San Antonio, our feis, traditional set at the 2013 O's in DC.
- Qualify for prelims again by getting 1st, 2nd or 3rd in the main prizewinner dances.
- If it works out, try to get on a ceili team.
- Learning the ceili book backwards and forwards, and putting in real time studying.  Even if I'm not going to take the exam right away, it's valuable information.

2012 is almost over and 2013 is on its way.  I'm not the only one in my school that has a chip on their shoulder and something to prove now.  I may have stumbled, but I want to come back untouchable.