moment of clarity

I won't say the clouds parted and everything will be better from now on, because I've lived long enough to know that's not true, but I had a little bit of a breakthrough at class.

I've been trying to think about what I want NOW from my dancing--what's within my control over the next few months--and the thing that I keep coming back to is "performing".  I suppose the other side of that coin is "having fun".  Lately I've just been kind of slogging through my steps without much flair, and making the same mistakes over and over again.  Some time this afternoon I said "no more."  If I'm gonna make mistakes, I need them to be different ones so I feel like I'm making progress.

I want to really PERFORM my steps.  I want to have fun with them.  I want to tell the judge with my dancing "hey look, you're gonna see something".  But in order to do that, I need to a) actually know my steps, b) give them my all 100% of the time, and c) improve my stamina so I can do all of this.

How am I going to know my steps cold?  BORING PRACTICE
How am I going to accomplish sharper, more stylish steps?  BORING PRACTICE
How am I going to get better stamina so that I can maintain that style throughout the dance?  BORING PRACTICE

I know you're probably reading this thinking "well, duh."  And I don't know what to tell you, lol.  But it really feels like something clicked tonight.  I need to put in the work, and I'll see results.  In order to get to the fun part, I need to do the boring bits.  I feel like recently I've just been waiting for the fun part to jump me in a dark dance alley and all of a sudden I'll know my steps well enough to do them with panache.

I haven't been putting in the work lately.  I've just been going through the motions.

No more.