And no medals again. At least it wasn't so crushing this time; I wasn't expecting anything so the disappointment wasn't as raw. I totally blew it on Jockey, which was disappointing, since I feel that's my best chance for a medal. I want to put some more practice into that dance and have it so smooth I could do it in my sleep, like I did around Oireachtas. But I got through the rest of my dances and that's a big accomplishment. When I got my results back, I was only one or two away from placing in three dances (including reel!!!) so I feel kind of encouraged. ("Now we just need to get you off the floor and higher on your toes," TC said.)
I have to admit, just a week ago I was in such a bad place with dance that I wanted to quit. I was flooded with negativity and felt like the activity I loved wasn't really loving me back. Now I am tenatively sidling back up to it again, helped along by a good Sunday class and renewed commitment to figuring out the puzzle that is Irish dance.
I've got a lot of knots to work out in the studio. I have a new feis in June, and then I have the whole summer to work on new choreography and drilling good habits. I'm looking forward to it.
every time I think about the feis in june, I want to crap my pants -___- the fear that fuels! I keep pushing out images of me falling flat on my face. there's enough outside negativity from people, don't be the one that beats yourself up the most. also, think of your role in your community. I think half my purpose of coming back to dance was to get focused and compete and the other half was to encourage other dancers in our school. we have to stand strong!
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