I've had a crummy few days. I attribute that completely to the fact that I wasn't able to dance for the past week or so, due to various circumstances. But I am consciously making good choices today. I'm seeking out motivation and encouragement. I'm doing better.
It's inevitable that I'm going to fall--what matters is whether or not I choose to pick myself up.
550 squats.
550 abs.
50 sprints.
Lunges and hill sprints and high knees in-between.
...and then, the last hour of dance class, in which I was praised for my "excellent timing"--even during Jockey, which I almost didn't do because I was feeling so awful about it.
I have to admit, I think the dancer I once was is creeping back in...and maybe this time, she'll be even better.
I feel like a warrior!
No boot camp on Tuesday--I fell victim to the world's fastest-moving cold. That means boot camp tonight, and dance class too. Can't believe I'm doing this to myself again, especially after being sick. This is boot camp week 5, so next week will be my last week for this session. (I'll figure out how many inches I've lost--I already know it's at least two on my waist. Whoo!)
Speaking of costumes, I really have no idea what to do. Kind of want to order a team costume, which would also solve the problem of "what to wear" for competition and allow me to be put on teams, but with my body in flux I wonder if it's just a waste of money. Would love to look more put together than being in an old, borrowed jumper, but I don't know if it's worth $450 without a guarantee that it'll come in time for the Oireachtas or if it'll even fit. I had decided to just go ahead and buy it earlier in the week, but then I figured out the seamstress's "Womens' 16" had a 32 inch waist (IN WHUT UNIVERSE?) and I probably wouldn't fit into it for another six months or something. ARRRGH. Guess I can always overdo it on the hair and makeup in trying to look more "put together"...
I'm kind of panicking about Jockey--there's this one part that just DOESN'T MAKE SENSE in the set, and I'm having trouble transitioning between feet of the step. I predict a lot of practice of those tiny pieces in my immediate future.
I'm so proud of my sister.
Her first Prelim was pretty rough; she forgot her treble jig steps due to nerves, and although she didn't stop she looked a little lost. If it was a few years ago, back when we were in high school, it might have sunk her confidence completely. I know it would have devastated me if I had forgotten my steps when I was 18, and had I danced in Prelims after qualifying then.
But she's helping me to believe more in the value of a positive mental attitude. Instead of taking this as some big cosmic sign that she should never dance again, she's broken the mental barrier of "being in prelims" and has seen it for what it really is: just one day, not a commentary on her entire dancing career. She didn't even get last. She got sixths and sevenths in her slip jig, and it's not the best I've seen her dance those steps. "If I could get 12th with THAT, I'm excited to see what I can do when I'm executing well," she told me. What would have shattered someone with more negativity is only fueling her fire.
In the past I've really regretted essentially quitting in Prizewinner and not moving onto Prelims. I shouldn't have quit, what if I had just kept dancing straight through college, what if I had danced at the 2005 Oireachtas, what if I hadn't gotten really depressed during and after college and gained so much weight, what if, what if, what if. Now I'm starting to think if it was better this way. I'm so much more sure of myself now. I don't have the uncontrolled anxiety I had as a teenager. I don't really care what others think of my body as it is now. I'm going to do everything I can with it until I reach my limits, and even those are melting away every week. If I make my debut in Prelims at 28 instead of 18, so what. I worked damn hard to be where I am right now and I'll work just as hard to get as far as I can.
I am feeling better about executing my steps. My turnout is improving. My stamina is almost as good as it ever was. My rhythm is solid. I'm even dancing without the leg wraps now. I'm getting better, one day at a time.
"That was a pretty good feis," my sister told me yesterday while we were getting ready to head over to dance class together, in reference to last weekend.
Yeah. It totally was. And I'm going to have a "pretty good feis" of my own someday.
Oh, boot camp. You seem so bent on destroying me, and yet I keep bouncing back more quickly than ever. 300+ triceps rows yesterday, on top of a lot of running and Lord knows what else--I think I blocked it out of my memory! "Only" down 1.2 lbs this week, but that was after a pretty terrible weekend eating-wise and a great weekend otherwise. I think I'll be back to my usual 3+ lb loss this week easily.
Feis weekend was great, as usual. I'm feeling nervous / inspired about returning to competition--I didn't expect it would be so soon, but life has a way of surprising you, I guess. I bought a wig (!) and new soft shoes (!!), both the first in more than half a decade. This must be really happening! I have secured help for my wig at Oireachtas and can't think about dancing onstage too much lest I get all fluttery. However, it just strengthens my resolve that I *am* going to get to prelims, and sooner than I expect, too.
The next feis will be the one I'm co-chairing! Three and a half weeks to go and we have exactly two musicians and four adjudicators--a full set. I feel like we're ahead of the game, even though we've got less than a month to go and there's still so much to do. (Namely, selling ads. UGH.)
Looking forward to a Thursday, Saturday and Sunday full of dance!
Boot camp yesterday--oh my. Hill sprints. Lots of them. Close to 100. But I helped my team win our challenge, and that felt pretty good! Trainer singled me out because I have been doing VERY well with my food logs. :D
And then it was off to dance class! Surprisingly, I felt pretty great, both before and after dancing. I think being warmed up and having my muscles nice and loose helped me avoid the shin splints problem that's been plaguing me. Even left off the leg wraps! I think that helped my confidence, since the leg wraps just look strange and it's hard for me to know if I look quite right with them.
Jockey is getting tighter. I found another version on Youtube that's helped me understand the set better (Olive Hurley's is so confusing, since she doesn't properly explain what she's doing), and added a little bit during the stamps to jazz it up. Danced it all the way through without stopping, and ACTUALLY DID A DOUBLE CLICK during a different step for the first time in six years. First of many, I hope!
Heading to San Antonio tonight with the crew! Not competing but still looking to have a great time.
Boot camp yesterday was awesome. Yes, I've somehow become one of those people who says a really difficult workout was "awesome" and mean it. WHO AM I?!
There was a lot of running--nearly 50 minutes of continuous movement, including a lot of hill sprints--and I ran for most of it. It's only been eight weeks since I started boot camp and I already feel like a metaphorical weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I've been telling myself for years that my body just isn't cut out for running--and although I'll never be an Olympic sprinter, I CAN run. It's learned, just like anything else, and I'm slowly getting better. My next goal is to run continuously while at boot camp, and then improve my speed. My limits are melting away!
Another three pounds down this week. I can feel my jeans getting looser (the cheapo side of me says "NOOO, we just bought those!"). When I told my trainer, he said "Girl, you're acting like you're gonna win that $50!" Heck yeah I am!
Since I'll be in San Antonio for a dance competition this weekend (I'm not competing, but soon, SOON) I'm doing boot camp AND dance class on Thursday. I'm not crazy, I'm just addicted. :)
